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How To Become A Best-Selling Romance Author

I have had weird dreams two nights in a row. This isn't a tip post. This is me talking about a dream I had.

I’m waiting for a book called The Best of Kimberly Zant from Amazon.com and it isn’t here yet, though items shipped after it arrived several days ago. So, the night before last I dreamed I got a CD from Amazon.com in the mail, and the jewel case was all crunched up. I worked as a temporary employee out there and in my dream I was talking to one of my old coworkers (cute guy) and told him, “oh, that’s all right, don’t need a new one”. Then I left and suddenly recalled… I ordered a book! What am I doing telling some cute guy he doesn’t need to send me a new CD?

So the strangeness goes on.

There is a Romantic Times Convention that I’d sure like to go to in Florida. So in my dream I’m there. In my dream I have also acquired a studly fiancé (not the same cute guy in the CD dream), and we are swimming in the ocean. This would be a main reason I’d want to go to this conference really! I live in the desert and though one of the lakes near here is salty, I just never get the chance to go to the ocean and swim. But deep inside I have a fear of swimming in the ocean. Sure enough... A shark came up and swam right underneath me – which had my heart rate pounding in real life and I think I tossed and turned. This is the stuff of nightmares of my youth. If that weren't bad enough, the shark attacked too! But! It wasn't really a nightmare. When it came up to get me I wasn’t in pain and the dream became silly at this point! Mr. Stud grabs the shark to distract it, and tells me to swim to shore. Me? Being a writer of kick-ass heroines, do I just swim to shore screaming? No. I punch the shark on the nose. When it won’t let go of my boyfriend I poked it in the eyes. The shark let go and we swam to shore.

Miraculously, the USCG was already there waiting to check out the puncture wounds on my boyfriend, and the media wasn’t far behind. My first worry is to get to the hospital and have the boyfriend checked over by a doctor and get stitches. So I tell this reporter, I didn’t really see what happened, go talk to Kara, Christy, Cece or Beth and I point to the muses (pretty much decked out in togas and eating grapes on the beach) and left them with reporters while I snuck off in the ambulance. I recall reading that some of the muses are renting rooms in a haunted beach house when they go to RT, but being a dream I don't have the facts straight I'm sure.

Later in the dream, the boyfriend was fine, and my muse pals sent all the reporters back. I was repeatedly interviewed later by lots of channels and newspapers and became very famous for the shark attack at least. I guess that would be news if a writer at the Romantic Times convention saves the life of her hero by poking a shark in the eyes. I got invited to be on David Letterman. The dream included most of the interview. I didn’t get up on his desk and reveal myself like Drew Barrymore did a handful of years ago. Did I continue living a life of luxury, finding shark-filled waters in tropical lands? No, I started working even harder on writing because I was famous enough not to have to get another temporary job.

Warning Label: Swimming with sharks has been determined dangerous for romance writers' health. Do not attempt without proper training and equipment... researching scuba-diving beforehand just won't do.

Comments

  1. Ah! Wow. I will go swimming if I am lucky enough to strike it rich in a casino between now and then. LOL! I would really like to go to that conference.

    I haven't been swimming in the ocean since I was a teen in Mexico. I did meet up with a tiny jellyfish, too small to hurt and one stringray but I just kicked the poor thing and scared it!

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