My Thirteen Monkisms

My Thirteen Monkisms Can you tell that I've been "renting" old Monk episodes on Netflix? I don’t like to touch public door knobs. I often carry wipes. When people hold up possibly spoiled food to me and ask, "Does this smell all right to you?" I turn down the opportunity to inhale germs and mold. (I can’t recall seeing this joke on Monk yet, but I think they should use it.) Just because corporate America categorizes toothbrush holders as bathroom decor doesn’t mean I have to decorate my bathroom with my toothbrush. House guests often ask me ... why do you brush your teeth in the kitchen? Even before Monk was invented, I once tried to dip my toothbrush in boiling water to sterilize it. All the bristles melted out of their little sockets and warped in odd directions. Can’t believe everything you see on television. Boiling water and toothbrushes don’t mesh well. I won’t put my lips on a clarinet someone else sucked on either. (Monk and the Red-Headed Stranger episode reminded me of this.) At potlucks, I’m the kind of person that notices the woman standing over the pot of spaghetti eating out of it. I’m always amazed at how many people I have to turn down when they offer me food off their plate. I wash my microwave after every use. I thought everyone did until someone told me I was a fanatic. I have been known to wash money. Coins. But one dollar bill needed it before. I never ironed them like Monk. I’m not particularly a clean freak though. I prefer dust stuck to the lampshade rather than floating around in the air making me sneeze. My sock drawer is a mess. One friend says I’m obsessive about losing socks. I tend to wash the bar of soap first, then wash my hands. I think I picked up this habit hanging around car mechanics and fisherman, and it just stuck. (The new bar of soap for each washing was a joke in As Good As It Gets with Jack Nicholson though. Not Monk.) I’m obsessive about not listening to radio commercials on the morning commute. I’m always channel jumping.

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